Saturday, December 15, 2012

for Newtown.

I sit watching Mickey’s Christmas Carol, holding my 5 year old son in my lap
but my mind is far away
seeing a carefully selected present arrive in the mail
for the child who didn’t come home.

I wonder if I were the neighbor
and knew what it was
would I intercept it?

I listen to my 7 year old daughter play Jingle Bells on the piano
but my mind is far away
hearing a sister ask her mom if Santa delivers presents to Heaven.

I imagine a broken mom saying yes, 
as she pictures presents carefully hidden in the closet
because, what else could she say?

Candles lit in my window and around the world
prayers in every language;  All of us wishing to be Superman 
spinning the Earth back, and 
in the absence of that, doing what we can. 

Moms everywhere are holding their children tighter
eyes tearing, heart aching.

And though I’m so grateful to hear my children 
fighting over whose lego spaceship is for good guys 
and whose is for bad... 
my mind is far away.

I think about the mom who can’t yet even consider the prayers sent her way.
Instead, I wonder if she wondered if the heat at school was left on that night
while the coroner worked 
or if her baby was cold. 

She is being told to be strong for her surviving children, 
while I can barely be strong for mine. 

God, I can’t stop the tears from falling.
I try to be thankful for the blessings I have
but joy feels like a slap in the face to 20 families
who can’t stop picturing their child’s last moments.

I’m so angry at you God.
yet, I beg to you on my knees.

I beg you to send angels to wrap these families tight
in loving embraces so strong they’ll stop shaking.

I beg you to heal the siblings and students whose
nightmares are just beginning.

I beg you to bless everyone involved so abundantly
that they never ever suffer for even a moment ever again.

I beg you,
please God,
help us.
Help us figure out how to stop
these tragedies, 
these killings,
this hurt. 

1 comment:

  1. Beautifully written! You have captured my - and no doubt countless others - sentiments.


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