Thursday, December 20, 2012

20 things I'm doing on my last day on earth.

How would you want to spend your last day on Earth?

In movies, people are looting with no fear of jail time, spending all their savings or canoodling with a loved one bravely looking into the heart of the coming disaster.

I'm going to take this opportunity, December 20th 2012, to decide the 20 things I'm going to do on my last day on Earth.... just in case.
  1. buy a tank of gas for a stranger at a gas station... don't know why, I just have always wanted to...
  2. say thank you to friends, family and neighbors that have made my life so fun to live
  3. laugh until my stomach hurts with my children
  4. be outside as much as possible, appreciating every breath of fresh air
  5. be completely honest in every exchange with another human
  6. not fold a single piece of clothing.  I really hate laundry.  but if I must... I'll do it with a smile today. 
  7. make a delicious meal for my family to enjoy together
  8. play with my dogs and give them mouth watering table scraps
  9. dance until it feels like my heart will burst and dance everywhere... car, home, store... if you see me today, and music is playing... I'll be dancing. 
  10. pray.  really pray.  I prayed so hard one time many years ago I felt God or an angel or something touch my arms that I had outstretched.  I want that feeling again today. 
  11. read a story to my children and have us say the 'Angel of God' together, letting each one say as many 'special intentions' as they can possibly think of, no time limit.  Then, tuck each one in individually, spending a few moments just talking with them in turn about whatever they have on their mind. 
  12. use a new razor blade and fancy lotions that I 'save for a special time' in prep for #13
  13. - 19 are all various forms of activities with my husband that I will leave out for good taste. 
and 20.  let my husband, understandably worn out at this point, pass out as I watch Bridget Jones' Diary again.  what.  that is a freaking fantastic movie.  here's the fight scene... to 'its raining men' oh my awesomeness.

So as it turns out, I'm finding out on the last day of the world that I'm nowhere near as 'deep,'  or ambitious really as I thought I'd be.  

It turns out, I don't need to make a huge difference in the world... I just want to be happy, make happy and be thankful. 

What are you going to do today?  just in case?

Saturday, December 15, 2012

for Newtown.

I sit watching Mickey’s Christmas Carol, holding my 5 year old son in my lap
but my mind is far away
seeing a carefully selected present arrive in the mail
for the child who didn’t come home.

I wonder if I were the neighbor
and knew what it was
would I intercept it?

I listen to my 7 year old daughter play Jingle Bells on the piano
but my mind is far away
hearing a sister ask her mom if Santa delivers presents to Heaven.

I imagine a broken mom saying yes, 
as she pictures presents carefully hidden in the closet
because, what else could she say?

Candles lit in my window and around the world
prayers in every language;  All of us wishing to be Superman 
spinning the Earth back, and 
in the absence of that, doing what we can. 

Moms everywhere are holding their children tighter
eyes tearing, heart aching.

And though I’m so grateful to hear my children 
fighting over whose lego spaceship is for good guys 
and whose is for bad... 
my mind is far away.

I think about the mom who can’t yet even consider the prayers sent her way.
Instead, I wonder if she wondered if the heat at school was left on that night
while the coroner worked 
or if her baby was cold. 

She is being told to be strong for her surviving children, 
while I can barely be strong for mine. 

God, I can’t stop the tears from falling.
I try to be thankful for the blessings I have
but joy feels like a slap in the face to 20 families
who can’t stop picturing their child’s last moments.

I’m so angry at you God.
yet, I beg to you on my knees.

I beg you to send angels to wrap these families tight
in loving embraces so strong they’ll stop shaking.

I beg you to heal the siblings and students whose
nightmares are just beginning.

I beg you to bless everyone involved so abundantly
that they never ever suffer for even a moment ever again.

I beg you,
please God,
help us.
Help us figure out how to stop
these tragedies, 
these killings,
this hurt. 

Monday, December 3, 2012

apocalypse cometh

disclaimer: after a long nanowrimo (writing a novel in a month) pause from blogging, Rob tells me that talking about this subject will lose any credibility I may have built.  Well, hang it all... here goes.

That's right friends, in the back of my head there may or may not be an inkling of awareness for how close we are coming to a certain special date.

The fiscal cliff? no.  Christmas? yes, but no.

I am well aware of the approaching end of the 13th B'ak'tun of the Mayan Long Count calendar, in other words, 12/21/2012.

I have to admit, I find it fascinating.  I love that even true believers -so sure that the Mayans got it right- are split as to how the end will come about, and whether its really a total end, or just an end for the idiots who didn't stock up on duct tape, ammo and canned corn.

Will it be a nuclear war? A financial systems collapse? zombies? aliens? solar storms? or just a good ol' fashioned biblical rapture God Smack Down?  And the way it ends is important because if its zombies, guns are great but your gas masks will go to waste.  And if its a systems collapse then canned goods are fine, but shouldn't we be prepping by learning to hunt, garden and build?  And if its God just saying, 'time to die suckas', do you really think that duct tape is going to foil Him?

So though I am not 'prepping' the way I'm 'supposed' to be regardless of how or when it ends, I have to admit I have great fascination in the incredible amount of signs.  Of course there is war in the Holy Land, solar storms and strange weather, not to mention the four horsemen of Notre Dame riding again in football prominence... but let's consider a couple of the signs in detail.

1) Zombie attacks.  There have been zombie attacks.  Humans out of their minds eating and attacking with seemingly no ability to feel pain, therefore not slowed by gunfire until the 'kill shot.'  We all heard about the one in Miami, but did you see the one in the subway in Japan? Or Baltimore or San Diego? And how about the finding that there was no bath salts in the Miami guy after all...  So just in case, Here, the CDC helps us prepare for a zombie apocalypse and here is just one of many articles helping you choose the best gun for zombie hunting.

2) Barack Obama as the Antichrist.  Ok, the first time I heard this one was well before he secured the Democratic nomination in 2008 and, of course I giggled, because its silly isn't it?  Just because he is an incredible speaker and the Antichrist is said to have a silver tongue and rise to prominence quickly, that's not enough is it?  And true some people go off on the Muslim or birther conspiracy tirades and those are stupid and therefore unfun.

However, how was it not reported more widely that the pick three in Illinois the night after Obama was elected in 2008 was 666.  I didn't believe it either, here is the Snopes link.  And the whole Lightning thing, where Baraq (yes different spelling) comes from the root meaning Lightning in Hebrew and Matthew 24:27 says
“For as the Lightning cometh out of the east and shineth unto the west; so shall also the coming of the Son of man be!”  And the other two times he mentions lightning happen to be about satan and/or the second coming.   Look, no, I don't think he's the antichrist but man people have put a lot of time into researching it... just in case.

3) The 21st is on a FRIDAY, as in Rebecca Black's Friday! Its perfect.  How else could God convey to us more poignantly that preparation and fear is futile.  It's Friday Friday! Look at the messages this 50 million times viewed awesomeness is sneaking to us.

  1. It's "7am wakin' up in the morning," every bible scholar knows that 7 is associated with the Son of Man.  
  2. She's "gettin down on Friday" clearly, a command to kneel, if we want to look forward and see that weekend.  The penitent man 'gets down' on Friday says Indiana Jones.  
  3. She says "Friday" exactly 6 times in the chorus...  and the chorus 3 times.   
  4. We always thought it was an accidental diss when she only mentioned her "friend on her right side" but where have we heard that before?  Oh yeah. It was Jesus.  
  5. And last, her calendar breakdown... Yesterday was Thursday, you can't do a damn thing about what happened then.  Saturday and Sunday come after-waarrd, but that won't matter either unless you get your shit together on Friday Friday. 
So, the signs are there, but what to do, hmm what to do...  So, here's where Rob gets annoyed, because he's like 'The world's not ending, its stupid to think about it.' But no matter how you slice it, December 21st will be the end of the world for approximately 160,000 people give or take, and the 'end of the world as they know it' for the people who love those who happen to die that day.  And any of those 160,000 could easily be me or my loved ones.  

So, I for one have decided that yes, I'm going to prepare for the apocalypse, so to speak.  

I'm going to smile more and drop frustration more quickly.  I'm going to make sure my husband and children know how thankful I am for them and how much I adore them.  I'm going to give generously and compliment freely.   I'm going to wear fun clothes and make my kids laugh as much as humanly possible.  

In other words, I'm going to celebrate Advent and prepare for the birthday of the Son of God by being the best person I can be.  Because if it turns out to be a numbers game like in Genesis 18, and God won't destroy the city so long as He finds 50 or so good people... I really would like to be in that camp... in fact, how about we play it safe and all try to be in that camp.    

But to do all this, to stay on course and to figure out how to be a good person, the most important thing I'm going to do is pray passionately.

That, and take a gun course.  cuz I think we could win if it ends up being the zombie one. 

thanks for reading,