Isaac, Abraham and did God used to be a #*&%?

The story of Abraham binding Isaac always bothered me.

Abraham bound Isaac got out the knife and was ready to kill the crap out of him.  But, taa daa God sent the angel just in time saying "nope, nope, never mind! I'm just kidding!!" stopping Abraham and allowing Isaac to live.  

Yayyy, right? No. Boo. What a sucktacular story! And, talk about a God I don't want ever trying to contact me on a personal level!  I understand that the story is often used to teach you to obey God no matter what and all will be alright.  But, by the 4th grade, I figured if I saw God or one of His angels, I had an over 50% shot of being asked to die, kill or get pregnant... so, thanks, but no thanks. 

And to the allegorical point, you'd think an all-knowing God would foresee that a variety of mental illnesses seem to manifest themselves by people hearing God telling them to kill someone.... wouldn't the better moral of the story have been Abraham was rewarded for not killing?

We'd all grow up with the story of, 'when you hear voices telling you to kill... God will reward you for not listening!'  That seems to be a better story for society in general... 

I wrote it off as another one of the 'crazy angry God' stories from the Old Testament that I didn't quite understand... right up until last Easter. 

At that service, for the first time, I put the story of Isaac and Abraham truly side by side with the story of Jesus in my mind.  God gave his only Son that we may live.  

We are meant, I believe, to have a visceral reaction to the Isaac and Abraham story. Because Abraham and Isaac were both living breathing humans, it is easier to associate ourselves with them than it is with God and His Son.  Abraham and Isaac, that could be God asking me to kill my son.  I can relate.  And I sometimes can't help but think with God, somehow its not the same.  But it was. Jesus was His Son and Jesus suffered fear and pain and torture and death and God watched every moment, not stepping in... for our sake. 

And, even that phrase, "God sacrificed His only Son that we may live." I find myself questioning... He is God... couldn't He have figured out a better way to save us all?  Mr. Clean Magic Erase away the sin?  Just make us not sin in the first place?

But it all boils down to us having free will. We have to choose to follow God. We have that choice everyday and every minute. He couldn't just wave a magic wand to "open" Heaven.  He had to create a moment and an act so incredibly powerful that it started as a tiny seed, possessed by the least important and furthest removed people in the world. It had to grow and blossom organically.  It was a story and a message that you couldn't keep to yourself. It was too incredible not to share.  And it had to be momentous enough to stand the test of time, noble enough to last through scandal and men's folly, and strong enough to outlive wars.

So, in His all knowing, kind of way, He knew that the story of a Father putting His own Son to death, would sit and stay with us as humans.  And the story of that Son and the kindness and love He taught would last and could lead humanity to choose the path to goodness and Heaven. 

Have we messed it up on the way? absolutely, we've killed in Jesus' name instead of saved and we've cast out instead of accepted. Both opposite of The Way we are taught.  But Jesus' narrative persists despite our blunders and it will continue to persist long after we are gone... continuing to show people the path to God. 

I often think about how... if I were asked to die so that my kids would live, I would say yes... no hesitation.  If I were asked to die for their children or grandchildren or world peace... yes yes and yes. 

But what if I were asked to die in a horrific way... for the benefit of people thousands of years down the road with people misinterpreting my sacrifice all along the way... would I say yes? Could I have that kind of faith?  no, probably not. 

I wish I could say I did... but really, I think if I did have the courage to even think to say maybe yes, it would only be because I was assuming it was just a test and the angel's right around the corner about to say, "Nope, Nope! you passed! Just Kidding!"

Which is why I'm thankful that I'm only human.  With all the sadness and destruction in the world, I do hope that God and Jesus don't get upset by my constant questioning, spinning and rambling... rather that they giggle at my trying, like I giggle at this poor hamster just trying his best to hold on. 

thanks for reading,