Miley the Baptist

The Lord works in mysterious ways... 

that is what we’ve been told. 

The King of Kings born to a carpenter and his wife in a stable; tax collectors and tyrants reformed to become some of the greatest visionaries of the church; N'SYNC, 98º and Backstreet all reuniting in the same year...  Our mind cannot begin to comprehend the ways of our Creator. 

But I think I’m on to Him... if in just this one thing. 

Miley Cyrus is the new John the Baptist. 

‘What?’ you may be crying, ‘but she does not have a beard!’

Like I said, the Lord works mysteriously... the differences between them go even further than facial hair, but this does not shake my theory.  Allow me to explain. 

John, the second cousin of Jesus, was a charismatic and holy man.  So much so that many thought that he himself was Christ.  In a time of little knowledge and great longing for God, John brought a message of hope.  Repent! The time is nigh! People sought God, they found a messenger who told them to make their hearts ready.  The message had to be loud, earnest, given plainly and by someone who modeled the behavior they were meant to adopt. 

Now, you don’t think God would do things the exact same today do you?  We live in a time of too much information.  Knowledge can spread around the world in a matter of moments.  Not only do we know important information from countries around the globe, we also know how often all of our friends have worked out that week and what they had for lunch.   And in that vein, religious information is shared prodigiously.  So many people in various ways are daily giving a message of hope/doom/repent/I’m better than you because I share religious posts instead of cat videos, that we almost reflexively tune it out. 

So, the message had to be subtle, almost to the point of being undetectable and it had to come from a place where people were definitively not looking for it and where it could reach the most lost.  And are not those of us still watching the VMA’s certainly the lostest?

Behold, Miley. 

I did not see right away.  Like much of America I was watching in stunned silence as she arhythmically gyrated up and down the stage.  Strange, I thought, Awful, I groaned, is this what our country has come to, I questioned.  

And then I turned the television off and didn’t think much more on it. 

Time passed.  Her twitter following grew.  Her critics jeered and threw stones while her fans waited in rapt silence for what she was to do next.  Still I did not fully see. 

 Upon seeing the VMA’s I lamented the breakdown of another young girl in the public eye.  I presumed an awkward desperate attempt at redemption and then news of a stint at rehab.  But inexplicably to me, her popularity indeed grew.  She was nominated for awards, she was invited to perform live at the AMA’s, on morning talk shows and for the biggest party of the year in NYC.

And it was then, on New Year’s, that I understood.  There, an exalted Miley stood draped in a white fur robe fit for Solomon when the ball dropped in Times Square. It was as though she herself were ushering in the new age.

"2013 was the best year and the VMA's were the highlight," she said to the poor man's Dick Clark. 

She went upon a stage, humped a foam finger, fondled a married Beetlejuice look-alike, and placed her face in the ass of a taller than average exotic dancer and just as she predicted... she became a hero. 

Miley and dancers with teddy bears upon their backs
clearly a symbol for the crosses we all 'bear.' 

This time John the Baptist wouldn’t tell us what we need to do.  This time, John would just hold a ginormous mirror to where we are right now. 

‘Can you see?’ the robed Miley seemed to say through the television.  ‘Do you see what you adore?’  

“Holy crap.” I responded.  

"Yes, it is," she seemed to say,  "It is crap. The music, television, dancing all of it, terrible crap.  Holy in that it is designed specifically to be so bad that you are forced to question what you are doing with your life if you are spending time on it.” 

As I pondered this surprising holy purpose, forcing people to take a hard look at their lives, I came across the lyrics of her newest song. 

“Baby, can you hear me? When I’m crying out for you? 

I’m scared oh, so scared. 

But when you’re near me oh oh

I feel like I’m standing with an army 

of men armed with weapons, hey, oh.” 

For a moment I thought I was reading the book of psalms.   In the video, she is suckling her fingers whilst writhing half-naked alone in bed, I assume it is to illustrate the loneliness and mortification of living a life outside Biblical teaching.

So I want to take this moment to say thank you to the Bangerz artist.   Thank you for making me even more grateful for being a thirty-something wife and mom.  Thank you for purposefully making drugs and promiscuity and fame look so dirty that upon witnessing a performance or video, people feel a sudden need for cleansing waters.  

Thank you Miley.  I see the burden you bear for us all.  

ps. thank you also for the cat singing performance.  it was amazeballs.